One of my favorite movies is Jupiter Ascending. It’s a bad movie.

I often find myself within this paradox with things that I enjoy. They make me feel good and happy and they’re not well made. Maybe the part of me that likes movies and games is broken? Can that happen?

Jupiter Ascending is bloated and yet never answers a single question. Its tone is misguided at every turn and the characters act in a way unfamiliar to me so far as a human. It’s confusing and laughably stupid. I gave it a standing ovation in the movie theater.

This all sounds like I’m the sort of person who steeps themself in irony. What I’m very confused by is the fact that I don’t think irony is a big part of it. It’s a little part of it, sure. I’m laughing at the film in places. OK, many places. But that doesn’t capture how I enjoy the film. My feelings are genuine! I genuinely like Jupiter Ascending! It makes me laugh and I’m fascinated throughout. Something about seeing a vision crash into the side of a cliff fills me with curiosity and inspiration. Not spiteful joy, but real joy. Grand failure is sublime.

I came across Thief {2014} in a time when my daily and weekly schedules were in shambles. I worked the night shift at Target. I got home at 8 am after 8 hours of moving soup cans from shelf to cart to shelf. I would play Thief [2014] on the projector in the living room until all my roommates had woken up and gone to work, just so I could see them. Then I would go to sleep and wake up in time to play Thief for a few hours and then go to work at 10 pm.

This schedule and mental health zone didn’t allow for irony. I didn’t have time to prickle or judge. I was awash in a world poorly constructed and filled with loading screens, and I fell in love. Can the part of me that loved the game be broken? I’m really asking.

I’ve now played through Thief (2014) in its entirety about 7 times, and I know I’m not done with it. I can talk along with the characters in their stupid, stupid, I can’t emphasize enough stupid dialogue. I’ve seen Jupiter Ascending 4 times and I know I’m not done with it. These are worlds I love to visit. Am I broken?

Girl with needs and fears