I want to stop existing when I die. One of my biggest fears is being in a Disney movie, and then dying, and then Disney decides to create a CGI version of me to continue my acting. I’m dead, Disney. Disney, I’m dead.

And yet, I want to know I’m still here. I have boxes full of notes and letters and essentially trash, because I’m so scared of forgetting one thing about myself. My phone is constantly filling up with Voice Memos. My brain seems to leak memories, so I outsource the role to intense documentation.

Essentially, I’m afraid of forgetting myself before I go, and I’m afraid of people remembering me after. I see great importance in mitigating the size of my legacy.

There are a few ways to do it. One is to refuse to accomplish anything. So far so good. Another way is to invest in Men in Black memory wipe technology. I can share time and my work with people, and at the end I make them forget it. Now we’re even. The other way is to hire someone to commit arson after I die. They would have to promise to sneak into my house after I go and take all my little notes and torch it all. That stuff was only for me.

All I ask is that I live, I die, everyone I ever met dies, and then I never existed. So far so good.

Girl with needs and fears